false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
