Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
