pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
