wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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