he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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