I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
