If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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