Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
