hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
