Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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