Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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