No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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