i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
