The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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