can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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