This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
