so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
