i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
