Welp...herpes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
