i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
