I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
