ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
