dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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