Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize