the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
