Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize