Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
