im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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