We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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