I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
