Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
