my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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