Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
