oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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