she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
