You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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