I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize