I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
