i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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