so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
