she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
