I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
