PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
