we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone signed my nipple.
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