Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
