i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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