i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
