Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
