I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
