tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was born a porn star she said
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
soo... how was my night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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