I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
