you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
