My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
