Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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