I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were trust falling into bushes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
