You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We had to coat check the pizza.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
