Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
