Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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