Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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