STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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