Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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